Depression and a relationship

Depression Affecting Relationship

depression and a relationship

According to psychologist Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD, in her book When Depression Hurts Your Relationship: How to Regain Intimacy and. When you date a man with depression, it can become a struggle to maintain a relationship with him and protect your own mental health. Depression in a relationship can lead to pain and frustration for both parties. Whether married or dating, here are some tips for helping your.

This could even mean giving it a name or referring to it in the third person. The idea is to help the person with depression see it as a separate entity, rather than being part of their personality. Breaking down the details.

depression and a relationship

This means identifying the exact nature of the depression so we can see if there are any triggers and get a better idea of its severity. Acknowledging what might be contributing to the depression and whether there are any specific sources of stress can be really useful. Making a timeline together. This is where we look at positive and negative events throughout the relationship.

This helps to pinpoint when the depression first intruded itself into the relationship and looks at what else was happening around that time. Doing a timeline can also give each partner a better idea of how the other is feeling. We often find that some events feel more or less significant to one partner than the other.

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Is depression affecting your relationship? Try and identify how the illness makes you interact differently and explain this. Saying 'when I'm low, I feel really needy, so I might be a bit dependent and irrational today' sets you up much better to manage the day than communication purely based on the current feeling of neediness 'why are you going out today, I really want you to stay in, do you even love me?

depression and a relationship

This leads me on to; Examine your motivations before you act If you are feeling depressed, a symptom of that might be that you feel needy and dependent. If your partner doesn't realise this is a symptom of your depression they may well feel your behaviour is irrational - and tell you so. You might feel that they don't understand you and respond by ignoring them or going quiet and refusing to open up.

But what is your motivation here? Fundamentally, what you might want is for your partner to pay you the attention your 'needy feeling' wants today. But playing these kind of games isn't the most straightforward way to get there. It may well start an argument or cause upset when it doesn't go your way and, for example, they just leave 'because you're ignoring me'. So instead - before you take an action which might affect your relationship - try to establish what it is that you really need and think about whether there is a clearer, more open path to get it.

depression and a relationship

Use what works even if it feels weird It's really common to feel as though a relationship should flow along wonderfully and if it doesn't then there is something wrong with it. In fact this is quite a disempowering viewpoint. You have the power to make it work if you both want to. Sometimes this involves finding tools and techniques to help. Some of the suggestions for managing really difficult times in relationships include ones using numbers to help you communicate when you're not feeling up to a long conversation.

depression and a relationship

Deciding what the numbers mean 1 might be 'I'm just about doing ok, but could use some love today so be patient with me' and 5 might be 'I'm really struggling, I don't even feel able to talk about it but I need you with me today so much I need you to prioritise me over other plans' and then using them to communicate how you feel could help when, in the moment, you're not able to put it into words.

Another tactic if you are struggling to put everything you want to say into words is to try writing it down. It might feel odd initially to hand your partner a letter or send them an email when you live in the same house - but you might find that it works.

You have more time to formulate what you want to say and they have more time to absorb it and work out how they feel about it.

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These techniques might not work for you but my point is that you shouldn't feel odd about using whatever does. It's actually a really normal and healthy way to negotiate difficult times effectively. On a slightly different note - be prepared and open to trying things that you might not think is 'you'.

This might be a mindfulness course or some counselling - as a couple or individually. Finding new spaces and ways of managing and talking about how to strengthen your couple 'team' can be really valuable - and in ways you don't always expect.

Enlist the help of your partner in helping you to recognise when you're struggling and reminding you it won't last forever - and don't disregard it when they do. In a previous blog entry, I wrote about how when you are in the midst of a depressive episode it's hard to imagine that you will ever feel better.

You can't remember what it feels like to feel good. You often need help in this state to be reminded about what feeling better feels like. Plus, experts know how to cultivate a balance between making compassionate space for the depression experience and also directing focus to the empowering moments and positive situations that are accessible for a client—especially the challenges that they are able to overcome despite the depression.

A critical benefit of caring outside perspective, such as that of a counselor or therapist, is that it can help someone with major depressive disorder to see the filter of depression for what it is: When a therapist helps a client to step back and see the disorder for what it is and how it operates on their mind, thoughts, and emotions, they can begin to take some of the power away from that depression filter.

depression and a relationship

The more someone can remember that it is the disorder weighing down their view and experience of the world, the more they can be aware of alternative perspectives and have hope for a future of recovery. Along with comprehensive treatment for the individual, couples therapy can help ground partners with tools and coping strategies to manage the presence of pessimism, doubt, and criticism. With the support of therapy, a couple can identify needs of both partners and develop strategies for balancing and fulfilling those needs.

A therapist can help them to create reasonable expectations and actionable steps, especially when criticism or other conflict arises.