Enneagram 3 and 4 relationship

Relationship Type 3 with Type 8 — The Enneagram Institute

enneagram 3 and 4 relationship

Harmony: 9 allows 4 to pursue her options, 4 plans out romantic dates 2 rushes into the relationship, 3 cannot bring it where it hurts 3's reputation. Conflict. You may have heard about Enneagram personality types, but if not, I'm happy The Helper (#2), The Achiever (#3), The Romantic (#4), The Observer types and the kind of partner your primary type needs in a relationship. These two types can form something of a complementary relationship, with each bringing Finding the Three's heart's desire is an extremely important area of.

Finding the Three's heart's desire is an extremely important area of self-awareness in which Fours can play a helpful role to Threes. Fours can bring a sense of style and presentation, rich communication, and sense of refinement. Threes model many of the qualities that Fours would like to develop in themselves, and Threes are well-suited to helping Fours gain new skills. Threes can bring a good deal of tact and diplomacy to handling Fours' emotional reactions and their sometimes too-sensitive feelings and self-doubts.

Knowing what to say and when to say it-and what not to say—to a Four can be crucial for building trust in the relationship and avoiding inadvertent episodes when either feels humiliated or embarrassed.

Enneagram 3 Relationship Dynamics - How To Deal

Threes can bring a sense of hope and ambition to the relationship, practical goal-setting, coaching and behavior management techniques that help Fours get out of a slump or a period of low energy. Threes can coach Fours on how to get on with practical matters and to act professionally despite the shifts in their feelings and self-doubts.

Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute

Since both types are driven by often unconscious feelings and reactions, this can be an intense and passionate coupling. Both are aware of "image" issues and about how others perceive them, and so this couple will be noteworthy for its energy, flair, sense of style, and enjoyment of the finer things of life. They may both feel a connection with the other that goes beyond words or reason into another realm as if they had known each other from a previous existence or that the other is some kind of soul mate.

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues Both Threes and Fours have issues with self-esteem and with needing attention and validation from others.

They both suffer from questions about their own identity and have hidden feelings of shame and worthlessness. These two types secretly compare themselves with others and have more or less openly competitive tendencies. Much will depend on how narcissistically wounded each person is—and therefore how much they will be vying for approval, attention, and recognition.

Relationship Type 3 with Type 4 — The Enneagram Institute

They often see themselves as uniquely talented, possessing special, one-of-a-kind gifts, but also as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed. More than any other type, Fours are acutely aware of and focused on their personal differences and deficiencies. Healthy Fours are honest with themselves: They may not necessarily like what they discover, but they do not try to rationalize their states, nor do they try to hide them from themselves or others. This ability also enables Fours to endure suffering with a quiet strength.

Their familiarity with their own darker nature makes it easier for them to process painful experiences that might overwhelm other types. Is it will power?

enneagram 3 and 4 relationship

Given time and sufficient perspective, Fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their self-image—their personality or ego-structure itself. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with.

While it is true that Fours often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They may feel socially awkward or self-conscious, but they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, Fours begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: Fours typically have problems with a negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem.

They attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self—an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations. Unfortunately, his commitment to practicing fell far short of his fantasized self-image, and he was often embarrassed when people asked him to play for them.

His actual abilities, while not poor, became sources of shame. In the course of their lives, Fours may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles, preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others.

But underneath the surface, they still feel uncertain about who they really are. The problem is that they base their identity largely on their feelings. When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed, Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing.

enneagram 3 and 4 relationship

But because they want to create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them.

Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives. Leigh is a working mother who has struggled with these difficult feelings for many years. I have had a trail of relationship disasters. I went years without joy in my life, just pretending to smile because real smiles would not come to me.

I have had a constant longing for whatever I cannot have. One day, the dog found a bone, carried it to a safe spot, and started gnawing away. The dog was so hungry that it chewed on the bone for a long time and got every last bit of nourishment that it could out of it.

After some time, a kind old man noticed the dog and its pathetic scrap and began quietly setting food out for it.

enneagram 3 and 4 relationship

But the poor hound was so attached to its bone that it refused to let go of it and soon starved to death. Fours are in the same predicament.