Stop nagging! Six tips to break the habit and improve your relationship - Chatelaine
I nag when I repeatedly bring up the same issue severally in order to get an action done but do not get the response I want, which gets me. It turns out that being a nag is just as unpleasant as being nagged -- so out how to end nagging brings a real happiness boost to a relationship. The ultimate secret to end nagging and save your relationship once and for all! I am not going to be like my mom and nag my husband.”.
I've posted this list before, but I'm posting it again, because the issue of nagging is something that people raise with me frequently in discussions of happiness. It turns out that being a nag is just as unpleasant as being nagged -- so figuring out how to end nagging brings a real happiness boost to a relationship. But even though no one enjoys an atmosphere of nagging, in marriage, or any partnership, chores are a huge source of conflict.
How do you get your sweetheart to hold up his or her end, without nagging? One of my best friends from college has a very radical solution: They never say, "Get me a diaper," "The trash needs to go out," etc. This only works because neither one of them is a slacker, but still -- what a tactic! And they have three children! That's something to strive for. But even if we can't reach that point, most of us could cut back on the nagging.
Here are some strategies that have worked for me: It's annoying to hear a hectoring voice, so suggest tasks without words. When my husband needs a prescription filled, he puts his empty medicine bottle on the bathroom counter. Then I know to get it re-filled. If you need to voice a reminder, limit yourself to one word. Instead of barking out, "Now remember, I've told you a dozen times, stop off at the grocery store, we need milk, if you forget, you're going right back out!
Don't insist that a task be done on your schedule. Try, "When are you planning to trim the hedges? Remind your partner that it's better to decline a task than to break a promise. My husband told me that he'd emailed some friends to tell them we had to miss their dinner party to go to a family dinner--but he hadn't. Then I had to cancel at the last minute, it was incredibly rude, and I was enraged. Now I tell him, "You don't have to do it. But tell me, so I can it. Every once in a while, do your sweetheart's task, for a treat.
This kind of pitching-in wins enormous goodwill. Assign chores based on personal priorities. I hate a messy bedroom more than my husband, but he hates a messy kitchen more than I.
So I do more tidying in the bedroom, and he does more in the kitchen. I used to be annoyed with my husband because we never had cash in the house. Now I do it, and we always have cash, and I'm not annoyed. Settle for a partial victory. Not only will I see how often I actually do it, but I will also, hopefully, change the dynamic of our relationship.
I decide not to tell my husband what I am doing. I need to find out whether my new no-nagging persona makes any difference to our life together. Lizzi Vandorpe suggests I should see this as a long-term project.
She explains that, after she met her second husband, Ward, she vowed that they would treat each other with respect. It's a list of blessings.
Would my husband and I have enough to put on a list? I decide to try another expert for advice. The premise is that we women have sacrificed the intimacy of our marriages because of our controlling behaviour. Doyle writes, 'None of us feels good when we're nagging, critical or controlling. Through surrendering, you will find the courage to gradually stop indulging in these unpleasant behaviours and replace them with dignified ones. Also, my real fear is that nothing will actually get done.
But Doyle points out, 'Doing all the work is not what makes you powerful — it makes you exhausted. On the other hand, relaxing and enjoying yourself while someone else takes care of things is a very powerful position to be in.
This is not a word I have used for a long time. Day one I get up and go through my usual routine but I don't 'take control'.
Why I don’t Need to Nag: The Secret to End Nagging and Save your Relationship
I sit back and see whether or not my husband will step in. Will he 'fill the space', as Doyle puts it? After a while he feeds the dogs — in the wrong order — and whereas usually I would have picked him up on it with a complaint — 'These dogs have a pack mentality and we must stick to it' — I just smile beatifically and carry on. Inside, though, I am not quite so calm.
I tell myself not to mind that I have told him a million times that the puppy gets a bad stomach if she eats anything other than puppy food. Yet again he has fed her scraps from the table. This suggests that either my husband doesn't listen to me or he is listening but thinks I talk rubbish, or he doesn't care about the puppy's possible upset tummy as he is going to work and it will be me who is left to deal with the consequences.
Day two My husband gives the children the wrong sandwiches in their lunch boxes, which I know they won't eat. But I decide that he is just attempting to broaden their epicurean appetites. Instead of complaining I just smile away and thank him for making the sandwiches.
The next thing I know he is hanging the washing on the line and I haven't even asked him to do it. Day three I am acting like someone on Mogadon. It's all very well being surrendered but, in a way, it's like being on drugs. My husband comes in and says things like, 'The children have just drawn over the walls,' and I just say, 'Oh dear.
He comes in to tell me he has inadvertently smashed the car's rear window.
15 Tips To Avoid Nagging | HuffPost Life
He has to get to work. The car is now outside, glass everywhere, windowless. It needs clearing up and fixing and I have work of my own to do.
What I want to say is, 'The door wasn't shut? Well, whose fault was that, then? Yours obviously, and now I have to clear up all this mess and sort out the insurance claim and the window and we are supposed to be saving time and money…' Instead I remember that I can't nag. I am supposed to be empowering my husband, so all I say is, 'Oh dear. Of course I can deal with it. After he has gone out — in my car, I might add — I open the bedroom window and shout 'Aargghh!
Then I close the window feeling much better. Days five to seven I feel I am losing touch with myself and I don't like it. I sit and watch as the house gradually falls into disarray. Yes, my husband certainly steps up his helpful quotient, but shoes never get picked up off the floor and dirty socks start appearing all over the place.
On day six I realise that if you don't make any requests then you never nag. However, you end up becoming a silent skivvy. I have to ask myself what it is, exactly, that I actually want my husband to do — everything? Or just certain tasks? I call Michael Myerscough again.