Meet the Fockers
Can you pick the Meet the Fockers: Finish the Quote? Test your knowledge on this movies quiz to see how you do and compare your score to. Meet The Fockers Script taken from a transcript of the screenplay and/or the Ben because the man is such a sexual dynamo and the woman craves his sperm. In the movie, Roz Focker, played by Barbra Streisand, is a sex therapist. "Many unplanned pregnancies happen because the man is such a sexual dynamo and the woman Dress up a little nicer, meet at a hotel, role play.
A bus rides alongside an RV, the driver of the RV honks his horn, the bus passes revealing a sign the reads "honk if you're horny," and women on the bus lift their shirts showing the lower part of their bare breasts no nipplesand one person moons the RV showing bare buttocks. A woman says that her husband is a "sexual dynamo. People discuss when they lost their virginity. A woman talks about senior sexuality. A man says, "I conceived him with one testicle" and proceeds to explain why he has only one.
A dog thrusts against a woman's leg and a man makes a comment about the dog's anatomy, a dog thrusts on a hand puppet in the shape of a man and we hear rhythmic squeaking, and a dog thrusts on top of a cat. A man straps on a fake breast it looks very lifelike and prepares to feed a toddler.
A man holds up a fake breast to show a crowd of people. We see many sculptures of parts of the human anatomy and nude men and women with bare breasts, pubic regions, phalluses, couples engaged in sex acts, as well as books covering sexual topics orgasms, etc.
A woman tries on a slinky dress that hugs her form and shows the outline of her nipples. A toddler motions with his hands and mouth that he wants to nurse when he sees a woman's ample cleavage, as well as when he sees a billboard of a woman with ample cleavage, and when he sees women on a bus lifting their tops to reveal bare breasts.
A man opens a shower curtain to step out of the shower and another man is sitting on the toilet with his boxers around his ankles. A woman wears a low-cut, tight-fitting dress that reveals cleavage, bare shoulders and back in several scenes. A woman says, "I got a boob job. A man puts his arm around another man's neck and kisses his head.
The latter reluctantly does so and states that it feels real, but quickly adds that he wouldn't know what Debby's breast feels like. As he's touching it, Pam and Dina enter and look surprised. Bernie proudly states that he conceived Greg with just one testicle, adding that the other did not drop. The Fockers dog humps Dina's leg, with Bernie telling her not to worry since "the pink part didn't get on you.
He then lies down on a bed and does some pelvic thrusting into the air before the older woman straddles and starts to gyrate on him. Moments later, we see some more such clothed movements, with Roz telling the man to go easy on the thrusting.
Roz asks Greg if Pam still climaxes regularly which makes Greg uncomfortable. Roz states that at least Bernie has the libido of a teenager and he jokes that he gave her a "little matinee" that afternoon. The two then do some playful and slightly randy hugging.
We see Greg's old jockstrap on his parents' wall of tribute to him. There's more talk about Jack's fake breast with repeated uses of the term "boob. Bernie states that he never had the chance to "procreate" a girl and then wants to say "one more thing about my vasectomy" but is stopped from doing so.
Greg jokes that the family dog "humps everything that moves," prompting Roz to joke that it's just like Bernie. Pam states that she's pregnant. Little Jack spots her cleavage and does all sorts of gesturing and tongue wagging in relation to wanting to be fed. Bernie then jokes about Greg "doing a little bazinga" while making a hand gesture, all meaning masturbating to her passport. Bernie then states that Greg was a late bloomer in that he was 19 when he lost his virginity to Isabel.
Roz, why don't you take them outside? I'll make a drink. Hey, Dad-- It's going good so far, right? Dad, you gotta take down that weird shrine thing. But I'm very proud of you, Gaylord. What's wrong with showing it? Most people aren't proud of sixth place ribbons. Since when do you care about most people? I don't, but Jack is really into winning and competition and sports.
It's a whole other thing with him. You're a winner up here and in here. And that's all that matters. I don't know what that means, but thank you. So, to solve that problem, I created a life-like latex left breast moulded from his mother's actual left breast, so this way L.
You're avoiding confusion by strapping a boob on a man? Well, yes, believe it or not, it is less confusing because of the texture Mom. Uh, I guess it's very, uh, creative. A little birdie told me that one of our guests here is a Tom Collins man. Oh, for pity's sake.
Isn't that nice, Jack? I want to make a toast. Now, I had a vasectomy in So, unfortunately, I never had the chance to procreate a daughter, but had I been able to, I really would've wanted a girl as sensitive and as intelligent and as beautiful as this young lady sitting right here before us.
And if I might add I thought you had a sister? You said you had a sister. You said you milked your sister's cat. Okay, I'm not done yet.
What I'm trying to say is, it's taken far too long to do this, you know, but we're finally all together. All right, that's enough. Like you have popcorn stuck in the throat. I want to say one more thing about my vasectomy.
Honey, get yourself over here. You're so cute, they'll forgive you anything. You are the sexiest woman alive I know. You're just trying to get me back into bed. This is a delicious Tom Collins. What I did, I used real lemon juice. It's from our trees here. He was squeezing all afternoon. And, Jack, I managed to make some lemon juice, too. Gay, you all right?
Well, I think that Roz and Bernie seem like very nice people. A little off-colour, but very nice. But isn't it wonderful, Jack? After all this build-up, the kids are finally getting married. I feel so happy. I think he just spoke.
Little Jack, were you about to speak? Nope, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, honey? Guys, where are you going? We're checking out Jack's macho-wacho trailer. I want to see that boob. Can I talk to you for a sec? Hey, listen, don't let Moses go in there. They have a cat. Moses is perfectly trained-- Dad, he humps everything that moves. Honey, he's like his father. I never cheated on you.
They're not listening to me. They seem to be getting along really well, don't you think?
Meet the Fockers () - Quotes - IMDb
I kind of feel bad that I worried so much. I'm two weeks late. I'm nauseous, my boobs hurt, and I can smell everything. You're gonna have a baby. Oh, we're gonna have a little baby, a baby. You realize your father is going to kill me?
No, no, no, no, no. He's not gonna find out because we're not going to tell him. He's a human lie detector. He lives to sniff out stuff like this. We'll get through this weekend, we'll get through tomorrow. And-- and-- and we'll tell them on Sunday before we go. We'll tell them all. I just hate the idea of keeping secrets from your dad. It's just one little secret. Welcome to the chateau. No wonder they don't want to sleep in our shit box.
Look at this place. I-- I don't think the dog is such a good idea. Moses is more of a lover than a fighter. He's always dreamt of me having a white wedding. You don't know how upset he's gonna be. No, I do know. Dad, I told you to keep him out of the RV.
He said he wanted to see the RV. Get that goddamn dog out of here! Jinx, don't do it. I'm gonna save you!
The cat can flush? Get out of the way! What the hell are you doing? I got to get my dog! What about my toilet? So much for the protection of our rolling safe house. Oh, honey, he was trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it was Jinxy who got flushed into a toilet? Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion. Sorry about the trailer, Jack. There's no way we're not telling him this weekend. That's what I was saying.
So, what do you wanna do? I never thought this'd be an issue. I thought we'd be married before we got pregnant. Why don't we move the wedding up to next month?
Then we'll tell your dad you got pregnant on the honeymoon. Oh, my God, yeah, that could work. Just follow my lead. Without further ado, my famous Focker Fondue. Come on, dig in. Get it while it's hot. That is so impressive, Bernie. Did you do that yourself?
I love to cook. I can't even fry an egg. I'm amazed he finds the time to cook with such a high-powered legal career. I wouldn't exactly call-- Uh-oh! Why did you kick me?
I kick-- kicked you because you're being modest and you should tell people that you are a good lawyer, which he is, a- a-and he has fought some really big, important legal battles. Truth is, Jack, when Gay was born, I stopped practicing and became a stay-at-home dad. Oh, believe me, he won a trial or two in his day. Extremely good trial lawyer. A regular Clarence Darrow. So Roz was the primary breadwinner and you didn't have a job?
Honey, come on, you could say he had the hardest job. Oh, he's-- he's just kidding. Why don't we jump into the topic of the hour, hmm, the big Focker-Byrnes wedding. I know we've been talking about a-- a fall wedding Our former housekeeper, Isabel.
You know, she has her own catering business now, isn't that great? And-- and I asked her to come and help Bernie in the kitchen this weekend. You didn't tell me she was here.
Gay had a monster crush on her when he was a teenager. I didn't have any monster crush. You didn't tell me about that. Because it's not true. Then I didn't catch you doing baziga to her passport photo when you were, what,?
I walk in the door Oh, there's my baby! I-- I haven't seen you in years. I had a boob job. This is, uh, Dina and Jack Byrnes. Nice to meet you, too. Not yet married, and already a little one? And he is a handsome little Focker. He's not a Focker. And still you stayed to raise her child?
No, he's Pam's nephew. He has no connection to Greg whatsoever. I love you, too. Those aren't for you. I think I'll take him inside. You're a very lucky woman, Pam. He's very special, this one. I think so, too. Oh, I could tell you some stories about him. Oh, she's just being silly. Nice to meet you all. Nice to meet you. Hey, do you guys want some more, uh, wine?
Mas vino por la mama, si. Hey, you did good, Greg. She's very pretty, this one, huh? Yeah, she's, uh, she's really great. Can you believe it's been years? So many wonderful memories from those days. Yes, lot of wonderful, kind of private memories. Um, no, I don't think I did. I don't, I think, I don't think it ever came up on my end. Not that I didn't want her to know. It just, never really Yeah, and not that, I-- I mean, not that it wasn't great.
It was really, you know, for me it was like And you were so helpful and-- and-- Don't you worry, baby. Your secret's safe with me. But, good, yeah, maybe if we keep it quiet this weekend and then Because, yeah, I don't want Pam to feel uncomfortable. And then later, when it's the proper, you know, setting, I can Okay, yeah, okay, good.
Oh, and fondue, fondue is going-- is goin' over. Gay, you're just in time to hear me tell the gang how you lost your virginity to Isabel. You s-slept with Isabel? Why-- why would you, why-- why would you bring that up? It was, what, years ago. Honey, your father thought that it'd be fun to share stories about our first time. That sounds like fun. Come on, tell us how you popped your cherry.
I really don't feel comfortable discussing that with you, Bernard.
- Meet the Fockers
- Ben Stiller: Greg Focker
I suggest that we get back to talking about the wedding. Mom, didn't you just take Little Jack back to the room? I'm monitoring him from a high-powered multidirectional microphone planted in his crib. Whatever happened to a little thing called privacy?
Bernie, surveillance technology has helped protect a lot of the freedoms that we as Americans take advantage of today. It has been good.Little Fockers Official Trailer (HD)
S- son, that is bullcrap in a chef's salad. The Central Lack of Intelligence Agency. I think that baby might need a couple of pulls on that knocker of yours, Jack. You let him cry it out.
because the man is such a sexual dynamo | Meet the Fockers quotes
This way he doesn't depend on coddling. On the other hand, the Continuum Concept shows that a baby benefits more from constant physical contact. We use the Ferber Method. We used the Focker Method.
We hugged and kissed that little prince like there was no tomorrow. Greggy practically slept in our bed till he was. Oh, I don't think it was quite that long. Mom, I don't think so. I didn't sleep in their bed all that time. Bernie, get the photo album. I'm one step ahead of you. No, no, no, we're eating dinner, come on. These are the curls from his first trip to the barbershop. Nobody wants to see this.
Oh, and you kept all of his baby teeth. Look at his darling little teeth, isn't that sweet? Uh-oh, somebody looks very grumpy there. Oh, that's Gay with the mohel. He's the man who snips the baby's little winkydink. See, that's Greg getting circumcised, right here. We had the ceremony at my parents' house but there was a cold snap and The heater conked out. No matter how hard he tried, the mohel couldn't coax Greg's tiny little turtle from its shell.
Let's not talk about the tiny turtle, okay? Honey, half the people at this table have penises. Make a long story short, Jack, he wound up with a semicirc. I can't wait to hear this. It's a cross between an ant eater and-- A German Army helmet. You wanted to talk about the wedding, right? Don't tell me you kept his umbilical cord. Of course not, that's Greg's foreskin. All right, you know what? That's-- that's enough humiliation. No, I'm not having fun.
Why deny us our memories? Anyone in the mood for Chinese? You told me your first time was with the Danish transfer student in high school.
Yeah, well, you weren't exactly forthcoming about your engagement with Kevin. Yeah, well, he wasn't my babysitter. Okay, I should have told you, all right. Can we just let it go, please? We both got enough stuff to deal with this weekend. How do you mean?
I know that you are studying my family like the frozen caveman. So, I just, I don't want you to be worried, okay? I mean, they're a little quirky, but they-they're well-intentioned and-- and I think they're just nervous and Greg, I am sure tomorrow will be a better day. I thought you ordered room service.
Are you sure you don't want any whipped cream with your sundae? I'm Chad, the bellhop. Oh, no, come on, we did that last week. Can't you be Sam the carpet-cleaning man? Why would a carpet cleaner have whipped cream? I'm here to clean your carpet. Do you mind if I put some foam down on your rug? I don't mind at all.
Okay, sleep well, Jack. How long-- how long have you worked in this hotel? It's time to put some snow on your mountains. Come on, I'm gonna get some whipped cream on those Tetons. Come back in the morning, tootsie roll. Gay, you see the cowboy hat on the door? Cowboy hat is off the door!
No cowboy hat this weekend! Just stop doing what you're doing! Come on, man, you know what that cowboy hat on the door means. Will you please help me out here? We're just being ourselves. I think he's saying not to be ourselves. Yes, be yourselves but be yourself in a way that's a little less than being your full selves, okay.
I don't understand this. I mean, why you're so afraid of this Jack? You've been kissing his ass ever since you got here. Mom, I'm not afraid of him, okay. I can't believe you went duck-hunting with him. Our people don't shoot ducks. Just make Jack feel a little more comfortable here, okay? So you don't want us to be ourselves? No, I just don't want you to break his RV, Dad, and-- and-- and reveal that I had sex with Isabel and play weird sex games that everybody can hear in the house.
If you ask me, it wouldn't be so bad if your future in-laws heard this. Do me a favour. Just don't therapize the Byrneses this weekend at all, okay? All I'm saying is, a few minutes of concentrated work with him and Dina, she could get him to blow like Krakatoa.
Right, okay, yeah, you know what? One day, just give me one day, okay, without any complications. We get through it, everybody goes off, we go on with our lives.
Can we do that? You got it, dude. Hon, put the hat back on the door, okay? No cowboy hat this weekend. Okay, but tonight doesn't count. I slept all right, thank you. It's nice, all of us being here together, don't you think? Bernard, do you mind if I have some privacy? Bernie, this fritatta is wonderful. Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it.
Hey, guys, can I have everybody's attention, please? Gay, be back in a second. Mom, I know we've been-- we've been talking about having the, uh, wedding in October, but Pam and I have been doing a little thinkin' and playing around with some ideas and, uh, we're thinking of moving it up to June. That's-- that's in a month. I always wanted a spring wedding, you know. Well, that's great, so we can announce it at the party tonight. Oh, your father and I are throwing a little engagement soiree for you two lovebirds.
I thought we were just having a nice quiet dinner. It was supposed to be a surprise. The phone keeps ringing, the list keeps growing.
Yeah, now, it's up to Fockers. When were you going to tell us about this? What could be better? Dad, what are you doing? We never play football.