Too Hot to Handle? How to Manage Relationship Conflict. Show all authors. Amy C. Edmondson. Amy C. Edmondson · See all articles by this author. Edmondson, A. C., and D. M. Smith. "Too Hot to Handle? How to Manage Relationship Conflict." California Management Review 49, no. 1 (Fall ): 6– All couples run into relationship issues. Occasional conflict is a part of life, according to New York-based psychologist Susan Silverman.
To Manage a Conflict with Another Person 1. Know what you do not like about yourself, early on in your career. We often do not like in others what we do not want to see in ourselves. Write down 5 traits that really bug you when see them in others.
Speak to the person as if the other person is not upset — this can be very effective!
Too Hot to Handle? How to Manage Relationship Conflict
Maintain eye contact with the person. Move the discussion to a private area, if possible. Many times, moving to a new environment invites both of you to see or feel differently. Give the other person time to vent. Verify that you are accurately hearing each other.
When the other person is done speaking: Ask the person to let you rephrase uninterrupted what you are hearing to ensure you are hearing it correctly.
Quickly mention your feelings. Acknowledge where you disagree and where you agree. One of the most powerful means to resolve conflict is to mention where you both agree. Discuss the matter on which you disagree, not the nature of the other person. Then ask the same question.
Focus on actions you both can do. Ask the other person if they will support the action s. Thank the person for working with you. It takes patience for a person to engage in meaningful conversation during conflict. If the situation remains a conflict, then: Otherwise, consider whether to agree to disagree. Consider seeking a third party to mediate.
That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out. Look beyond your own triggers. Many disagreements stem from someone being triggered by something that's been said. What's triggered is usually fear and awareness of one's limitations.
Too Hot To Handle? How to Manage Relationship Conflict
Whatever may have happened in your past, you have to find a way to get past your triggers and see that you're in a new situation with a person who doesn't mean you harm. Look for similarities, not differences. From working with my clients, I've found that the best way to begin resolving a disagreement is to look for common ground.
When you concentrate on differences the space grows wider, but when you seek out what you have in common it helps bridge the gap. The next time you find yourself in a disagreement, look for a point of agreement--even if you have to stretch. Be a good listener.
In any disagreement, it's important for both parties to be heard. And that means it's important to be a good listener-- curious, open minded and nonjudgmental.
A good listener gives their full attention, asks for clarification when necessary, and can listen to different opinions without becoming defensive or argumentative. The best way to listen is to be silent.
That's when you can learn. Take responsibility for your own feelings. Especially in heated disagreements, it's easy to start making accusations, laying blame and making excuses. To work through it, you have to be honest with yourself and take full responsibility for your own feelings, and for your interpretations that may have contributed to the breakdown.