The 12 steps of a relationship

How I Used My Step Program to Navigate Toxic Relationships | The Fix

the 12 steps of a relationship

We at Bright Side would like to remind you about some of the most important things that we need to do to help keep a relationship strong, but which many of us . couple, , resolution, happy, relationship, love, dating, sex, married, marriage . Interestingly, the couples in the study who revisited all the 12 steps in order tended to enjoy longer lasting relationships than those who didn't.

Hand to hand also signals the first act of trust or mistrust if the other person moves away and it can progress to hand holding: Body language and physical contact will speak volumes at this stage. Are they close to each other, belly to belly or are they struggling to ensure no contact, even accidentally, occurs? The closer the two people are, the more intimate the feeling. Unlike in hand to hand where rejection does not cause hurt, in hand to shoulder, it does even though the parties are still both non-committal.

Hand to shoulder reveals something more than close friendship but not love, not just yet.

the 12 steps of a relationship

At this stage, romance has started creeping in and their conversations are more intimate. This stage signals increasing acquaintance, growing comfort and intensifying emotional response. Note, they are not facing each other; rather, they are facing forward. Both parties know what is about to happen and are waiting to see who will make the first move.

It is characterised by tension. They will kiss and hug as they recover from the experience.

How I Used My 12-Step Program to Navigate Toxic Relationships

They have developed a special code of communication with very few words. This stage is special in that it combines all the previous steps into one: Fireworks are going off all over the place, as sexual desire becomes an important part of the relationship. Here, the emotional boundary has been crossed, there is increasing familiarity and a sense of acceptance. The relationship can still be stopped here and be brushed off as time wasted with the wrong person especially if the special level of familiarity is not developing.

All of this is a process one day at a time and it works.

the 12 steps of a relationship

Around nine months ago I had a breakup with an active alcoholic; it wasn't the first time but I swore it would be the last time. I knew that the common denominator in my abusive relationships was me so I committed to another round of step work where I uncovered truths, came out of denial, and came into myself.

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Seven weeks of cathartic writing and intense inventories and I had sort of a spiritual awakening. I was really able to see how I volunteered myself for these victim cycles and played the same role in the majority of my interactions.

Throughout this process I hit lots of meetings and my fellowship game was strong; however, I also started to realize that my world was small in many ways and I wanted new energy to flow in.

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I also still had boundary-less friendships that were starting to suffocate me. I was ready to broaden my horizons, meet some new people, and continue the evolution. I wrote a letter to my higher power asking for help with my relationships. It was suggested to me a few years ago to write letters to GOD, the universe, or HP, asking for what I wanted and needed.

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At first I was apprehensive because it seemed so corny and even lame, but after receiving direct results many times I incorporated this tool into my recovery and it comes very naturally to me now.

About four or so days after writing this letter to higher power specifically asking for guidance toward positive relationships, I had what I can only describe as a miracle I had the craziest falling out of my adult life and unfortunately it was with a close sober friend.

I knew that attempting space in this relationship would be tricky however I wildly underestimated the situation. This sober person who knew all of my deepest darkest secrets reacted in extreme vengeance toward me. Character assassination, false accusations, spreading rumors in the rooms, on social media, on the streets, and even assaulting me outside of a meeting.

Every inch of my existence was threatened as I was yelled at and even physically pushed and shoved. I was shaken to the core and even worse terrified to go to a meeting! If you've experienced turbulence and trouble with others in the rooms of recovery, you are not alone and you can certainly get through it. I hear talk of similar situations often and relapse is common but it doesn't have to be. We are in a spiritual program and the solution is to walk along spiritual lines. I was told early on that others people's actions were none of my business.

As alcoholics, even as sober alcoholics, it is easy to fall into behavioral patterns that reflect our disease. These characteristics lead to engagement with others — especially a romantic partner — in which mean and separating behaviors are out of control. The result is lots of drama, lots of hurt, some breakups, and some make-up sex. While the make-up sex may be fun, it comes at a high price, and over time the relationship suffers. Here are five inventory questions on this Tradition that are worth your consideration: What might I do instead, specifically?

Do I criticize or gossip about my partner to others? If so, why to get sympathy, to feel superior, etc.

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Do I cultivate and practice judgment and blame which wound and isolate or mercy which heals and unites toward my partner? If judgment and blame, why? If the latter, how? Am I able to disagree without being disagreeable pouting, sulking, manipulating, bullying, etc?

If not, what might I do instead, specifically?

the 12 steps of a relationship

If our code is love and tolerance, then practicing that code when speaking to the person we love will go much further toward creating harmony. It will also make us more attractive, which brings us to Tradition Our behavior should be based on attraction rather than promotion, and a willingness to sacrifice.

We sacrifice or surrender being a promoter. I sometimes joke that I used to think women found pouting and sulking very attractive in a man; they do not. Nor do they find bullying, manipulation, blame, neediness, or whining attractive.